Secret Spirits

The Weight of a Single Word

When I need a moment to escape, to get out of my head and realize the world is full of expereinces just like this one. I take solace in listening to the songs crafted by artists with the ability to make something beautiful from the emotional rubble of their hearts. Songs like:
Good morning, by Bleachers
Where I stood, by Missy Higgins
That Wasn’t Me, by Brandi Carlile
Sugartooth, by Brandi Carlile
Strangers, by Mt. Joy
I’m Your Wreck, by Mt. Joy
Changing of the Seasons, by Two Door Cinema Club
Stuck in a Moment, U2
What are songs that really speak to you and what you’re feeling right now? What are the fears you’re wrestling with?
Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Untangling the Addictive Narrative for Codependents

Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

The Evolution of Codependency in (Active) Addiction Relationships

Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Application of Yoga as a Coping Mechanism - Chapter: Aparigraha, Non-Attachment

More content on how to set boundaries: https://secretspirits.com/2025/09/30/sample-premium-post-whos-in-control-here/
Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Application of Yoga as a Coping Mechanism - Chapter: Brahmacharya, Right Use of Energy

Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Understanding Trauma: Honoring Pain and Finding Recovery

Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Mini Episode: Finding Clarity in Relationships Affected by Addiction

Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Detaching and Adjusting Boundaries

Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

The Codependent Cycle Through the Lens of The Ethics of Yoga

Welcome. Today, I'd like to draw your attention to how our Code of Ethics, the Yamas and Niyamas can be applied to our discussions around codependent behaviors.
Let's first apply definitions.
As a reminder, we define codependent partners as: 
“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect them and who is obsessed with controlling that other person’s behavior.”  (Codependent No More, Melody Beattie, 1986)
How many of us are parents? How many of us are trying to navigate an impossible situation, desperately seeking to find a balance? Trying desperately to hold the family together, to hold your husband’s feet to the ground for fear that he’ll float away if you let go even for a second.  
Let’s discuss how we can employ the use of our Yoga Ethics to help guide our decisions and behaviors through this challenging time. 
In our practice of the Yamas, External “restraints” or moral disciplines for how to behave in community with others. The practice of finding balance is identified as brahmacharya, translated as the “right use of energy”. When we consider the “right use of energy”, we are speaking about conserving our vital energy and directing it healthily.
This practice is directly connected to our Tapas, translated as Austerity/Discipline. The topic of tapas is found within the Niyamas or our Internal “observances” or personal disciplines that focus on self-care and inner development. 
Austerity is commonly defined as the quality of living with little or no luxuries. The practice of self-discipline and austerity, through all efforts (physical, mental, and verbal) to burn away impurities and build inner strength. 
How the 3 Interact 
Now to make the connection between Codependent Partners, the Right Use of Energy and Austerity/Discipline.
I am someone who fell into very predictable codependent patterns, in a desperate effort to hold my family together, amidst my husband’s behavior becoming erratic and unstable over an extended period of time. 
I often encourage this community to find grace in our own pitfalls, that we were REACTING out of the BEST of intentions under the WORST of circumstances. That said, finding grace for our behaviors is NOT giving ourselves the permission to continue behaving in a codependent manner. 
The key to arresting the codependent cycle is DETACHING. When we consider the word detaching, we define it as: “stopping our own reactivity to our partner’s behaviors.”   
Considering that definition, of stopping our own reactivity - that sounds entirely similar as finding our “right use of energy”. It does not serve us to engage in codependent behaviors; it does not propel us forward in any way. Our energy is better directed in a variety of other avenues. 
For example: 
Focusing on regaining our own sense of self 
Engaging in rigorous self-study
How did we get here?
What is the next right decision? 
How will this environment affect my children and their chances at having a healthy future? 
What boundaries are needed to enforce a sphere of safety around my kids and me? 
Using our definition of abuse, can I identify an instance where any of the forms of abuse have taken place in this home? 
How can I apply wisdom gained from past life lessons to help navigate this scenario? 
Educating myself on:
The subconscious family role that I have adopted, and how to escape those behaviors. 
Addicted household patterns.
Cues that indicate a relapse. 
Self-care activities: 
Yoga
Meditations
Outdoor walks
Simple time with my kids 
Cathartic cleaning of the house 
And now for the tricky bit. The application of austerity or self-discipline. This aspect poses a particular challenge when considering all the aspects of pop culture that influence our days.
Austerity, the practice of applying self-discipline across our physical, mental, and verbal efforts. Burning away any impurities that arise within our own humanity. 
Here I’d like to remind you of the physical practice of yoga, the Asana. Consider the most challenging physical posture that you can comprehend. For me, that’s the handstand. My constant challenger. Consider all the work that’s required to even consider inverting into a free handstand. Consider the mental discipline, the physical discipline, and the inner voice that you employ to encourage or discourage yourself. 
You actively and willingly engage in the hard work, knowing your time under tension will be brief and rewarding. 
This is your example of austerity in practice. 
Now, how do you apply austerity in your relationship with a good person suffering from addiction or alcoholism? Through the application and upholding of healthy boundaries. Recall, when we consider setting a boundary, we consider the following aspects;
Physical boundaries 
Emotional Boundaries
Communicative Boundaries 
Psychological Boundaries 
Consider the active enforcement of boundaries, combined with the efforts of DETACHING from your partner, a good person suffering from addiction, as your time under tension. As you navigate this journey, this independent awakening, as your hard work, your time under tension. 
It may not feel brief, but it WILL be rewarding. 
A Moment of Reflection 
Are you engaging in Codependent behaviors? 
Do you need to DETACH? 
Do you see how your energy needs to be focused in a more healthy and productive direction?
Can you employ austerity or self-discipline? 
Can you enact and enforce boundaries that will complement your vital energy and austerity? 
Gentle Reminder
This is a gentle reminder, there is a way out, there is a clear path forward. And I’m not inferring to either “stay” or “leave” your partner. 
Instead, I’m suggesting you focus on yourself. 
Rediscovering your sense of self.
Controlling the controllable – your own reactivity. 
Enacting and enforcing healthy and appropriate boundaries. 
Throttling your own vital energy. 
Enforce your own self-discipline and austerity in all your dealings.  
Living by your code of ethics holistically. 
You can do this. I know you can. 
XOXO, Anonymously Becks 
Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.  

Thanksgiving Holiday Reflections - Svadhyaya (Yoga Ethics) or “Self-Study”

https://secretspirits.com/2025/12/02/thanksgiving-holiday-reflections-svadhyaya-or-self-study/
Welcome. How was your holiday?
For today’s episode, let’s employ one of our most valuable tools, the tool of Svadhyaya (Yoga Ethics) or “Self-Study”. Together, we will review the events of the holiday, the holiday weekend, and reflect on our emotions, our reactions, our behaviors and OUR choices. Recall the mission of Secret Spirits, to support the wives, partners, girlfriends of addicts and alcoholics – to guide YOU toward your own awakening. To illuminate the truth and demonstrate a better way.
With that, let’s dive in.
Intention with Your Surroundings
First, let’s ensure we are ready for self-reflection.
Are you comfortable?
If you journal, ensure you have a clean fresh page and pen.
Do you need to dim the lights?
Do you need to put some soothing music or sounds on?
Do you need some coffee or tea?
Let’s Begin with an Overview of the Holiday, a Reminder of Sorts
The holiday originated in 1621, a harvest feast between the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag tribe. The Plymouth colonists struggled through their first year; the Wampanoag people helped them by sharing valuable knowledge of the land and its resources.
When the colonists had their first successful harvest, they held a feast to celebrate and give thanks. The Wampanoag people were invited to share in this three-day harvest festival, which included deer, fowl, seafood and other foods.
In 1863, Abraham Lincoln issued a proclamation declaring a national day of thanksgiving to be celebrated on the last Thursday of November. Of course, we could go deeper into the history of the holiday, but that’s not why we’re here. We’re here to continue on our own journey of awakening.
Thoughtfulness on Your Holiday
After reviewing the brief overview of the history of the holiday of Thanksgiving, a reminder of the purpose of the celebration.
I have some questions to kick off our episode of self-reflection. For today, I will first pose the question before providing my own reflective response.
How do you feel, right now, on the other side of what can be a very stressful weekend?
I’ll share how I feel. I am relieved to have navigated this first holiday of the holiday season. It wasn’t as smooth or effortless as I would have liked. That’s why today’s exercise in self-reflection is so important to me. I want to identify the pitfalls in my behaviors, moods, and expectations and course-correct for the coming Christmas holiday.
What was the HARDEST part of the holiday from as TASK perspective?
I had trouble managing timing on the Thanksgiving holiday. I wanted to make a beautiful french pastry to contribute to the family meal. I had this vision in my head of arriving with a somewhat exotic pastry in hand as my contribution. I thought making the dish would be a bonding moment for my daughter and me.
I failed to read the directions for all the components, and my pastry dough was frozen when I needed to assemble it. While trying to troubleshoot that aspect, I became rushed and sloppy. I through the dish together in a hurry and was so displeased with its appearance. I refused to bring it as an offering to the meal.
I can see now how that was a decision in DIRECT OPPOSITION to the meaning of the holiday. Not the example I am striving to set for my children.
What was the HARDEST part of the holiday from an EMOTIONAL perspective?
(deep breath) This is a complex question for me at this moment. I found myself feeling very grumpy before the Thanksgiving dinner. In reflection, I can see how my feelings of discourse were directly tied to the expectations I had of my husband’s behaviors. A phantom limb sort of reaction, a deep sense of repetitive behaviors looming at the evening’s Thanksgiving dinner table.
I expected my husband’s ability to “cope” with being surrounded by HIS family to be challenged. And guess what, I was right. He failed to cope in a healthy manner. He has admitted to smoking his “vape” (against my house rules) the night of the Thanksgiving dinner. In reality, I believe he engaged in his disease.
I believe he took more of his prescription medication than he is directed to by his team of physicians and psychiatrists. This is something that, now that my kids are back in school for the day, I have time to ruminate on, and consider what tools are available to me.
If you have been listening to this podcast for several weeks, you may have gleaned that my husband is living separately from the kids and me. He is in a sober living environment, where he is drug and alcohol tested regularly.
So my first call this morning, after school drop off was to the family coach at his sober living environment, to alert them to my beliefs of his behaviors, and request testing for specific types of use.
After placing that call, I release any responsibility or thought on the subject. I give that to the team in place, and know that if my husband is indeed abusing his prescriptions (as I suspect he is, and how I have observed him to have behaved in the past), then my only option is to enforce further protections around the kids and me.
Reflecting on What was Presented to My Kids
In her book, Marriage on the Rocks, Janet Geringer Woititz states; “What about the children? They are the most vulnerable of all. They are victims, and they are powerless. They are dependent and defenseless. They know no other way of life…We communicate to them what our values are, and they pick them up as their own. If we are unclear, they will be unclear.”
That said, for my kids, this Thanksgiving holiday, they observed my husband’s appearance looking “off”. His eyes appeared to be glazed over after the dinner. He couldn’t sit at the dinner table with his family, so he anxiously wandered around the kitchen and the kids’ area. He asked repetitive questions to topics that we had previously discussed.
And my reaction? I was GRUMPY, I was angry that he was going to “ruin the holiday” for the rest of us.
The truth is, this entire scenario is and was PREDICTABLE.
My husband, a person who suffers from a severe and persistent mental illness, had a PREDICTABLE coping mechanism. Even though he has been sober the past few months, it doesn’t mean that he is infallible.
Finding the Truth
Where I feel validated in my anger is this. My husband COULD HAVE got up and left the dinner. He could’ve said, “This is too triggering for me, I need to go to the sober house or a meeting”. He also COULD have woken the next day, called me and admitted to his shortcomings. Instead, I observe him repeating his pattern of ruthlessly hiding his behaviors.
And that is the space where I find THE TRUTH.
The truth is, LOTS of people struggle during the holidays.
The only way to enact CHANGE is to be the change. To make the FIRST RIGHT DECISION.
And my husband didn’t do that this weekend. And I find that very concerning and troubling.
Truthfully, when I consider his sobriety, it has to be black and white. In fact, its one of the ONLY things (at least that I can think of) that is in fact black and white.
He is either stone cold sober OR in active addiction.
There is no longer any space for the consideration of things like “California sober”, or tiptoeing SO close to the line that it gets blurred.
Where does that Leave Me Now?
Well, as I mentioned, I called the people who are shrouding me with safeguards. I asked them to be vigilant. I asked for extra drug testing, testing that would be impossible for him to evade.
We have couples therapy this week, where I will address the behaviors I observed. And that’s where I stand at this moment in time. It’s not the most comfortable place to be. I often feel like I’m living in limbo, some space between being a married couple and being divorced.
I trust that this is the exact space where I need to be in this moment. Learning, growing, and observing. And that’s where I will continue to be until I can find peace in some direction.
And you? What were your self-reflections to the provided questions?
In broader terms, where are you in this journey?
Is your partner in active addiction? How did you manage the Thanksgiving holiday?
Is your partner sober? What did the holiday bring to your household?
As an ever-present reminder, YOU, ME, WE are never alone in this. Support, help, a listening ear is always available. You just need the courage to reach out your hand, and ask for help.
XOXO, Anonymously Becks
Do you like this content? Do you find it helpful for navigating your own journey? If you do, please take the time to subscribe to the Secret Spirits podcast. By subscribing to this channel, you can help me, Anonymously Becks, keep providing content tailored to the wife of an addict or alcoholic. If you have comments, suggestions, or are open to sharing your own experience being bound to an addict or alcoholic, email me today@ admin@secretspirits.com. Do you need one on one support in this time of need? Book a consultation with me, Anonymously Becks, OR join our membership program where YOU can begin to build your own support system. Visit our website, subscribe to our channels, Secret Spirits, to get more from Secret Spirits today.